Emo Boys Don't Smoke
by Momma-Ran
Summary: A year ago Craig and Stan made out in front of the entire class. But since then they haven't so much as spoken, until everyone decides to take a road trip senior year.


It all started with a kiss.

Okay, no, that's not entirely accurate. It actually started with Wendy Testaburger breaking Stan Marsh's heart and turning him Goth.

Now, my knowledge on this subject is a little lacking since I wasn't actually there, but from what I understand the Tall Goth made Stan his bitch. The Red Goth got jealous so a couple became a threesome. But that didn't last long. Stan was too focused on love and pain instead of just pain. So they kicked him out, lest everyone else get the wrong idea about what Goths were. Apparently Goths aren't allowed to love but they are allowed to fuck.

So poor little Stan Marsh did something drastic, something so insane that it completely set him apart from his old Goth clique. It set him apart from everyone in the school, even though at the time no one knew it. Hell, not even I knew it. Although, granted, we weren't very close.

So why, you ask, did I mention a kiss?

Because there was one, duh. No. I mention it because that's when my involvement began. Of course, as they say, it takes two to tango. What they don't mention are all of the forces that bring the two people tangoing together.

The gist of the story around the kiss is that Mr. Garrison (who for some reason followed our class all through high school) assigned us partners in a stupid project. Of course I get stuck with Stan fucking Marsh. The project we had to do was be stereotypes. We were assigned Emo as our stereotype. Long story short when we looked up Emo on the Internet it was mostly cute guys making out. So come presentation day, we went through the cutting, tight clothes, cleanliness, Dr. Pepper drinking, ect...

And then we made out on Mr. Garrison's desk like there was no tomorrow. To say that it got hot and heavy is an understatement. This was not something we practiced on each other or anything. It was the first time, real deal sort of thing. Something that could never be repeated even if we tried. There was so much feeling in it, not even just physical feeling, but emotional connections were made as well.

So that was the start of it. You wouldn't know it then, though, because afterwards we avoided each other like the plague. Every time I saw him I got butterflies in my stomach. Memories of the kiss made me hot everywhere. Eventually Stan started to make appearances in my dreams.

That was when I really knew I was in trouble. The second half of our Senior year I spent fantasizing about him. So much so that by the time summer came I wasn't sure how long I could keep my cool.

I wanted Stan Marsh to be mine.

Summer came and things changed drastically. Kyle, Token, and Cartman moved to go to the best schools in the world. Kenny took a job at a restaurant with Gregory and Ike. Christophe disappeared from the map. Tweek ended up in a mental hospital. Pip died in a car accident and ripped his own wings off to join Damien in Hell. Everyone else either moved away or went to the local college, myself and Stan included in this.

We haven't gone to to college yet. We go in the Fall, though. Kyle has already moved to begin his new life. Tweek didn't even get to finish Senior Year. I haven't seen my best friend since he went crazy and cut open the arteries in his wrists, screaming about the gnomes needing his blood. The rest of us are all out partying before we have to be responsible adults.

"Road trip bitches! Lets go!"

That was the txt I got from Clyde. Its the txt that I guess I'm thankful I got because if not I wouldn't have gone on the stupid trip. Of course I only accepted because there would be weed, booze, and Stan Marsh. I've seen him drunk on occasion and he loves to hit on everything. I've never seen him high, but I figured it would be the same.

So I accepted. Of course I didn't realize what I was getting into. I should have, but I didn't. It was Clyde, Kevin, Kenny, Stan, Thomas, Token, Butters, Gregory, and me.

Little did I know when I accepted that we would be cruising around in a modified school bus. On the inside it was transformed into a bedroom/wet bar/lounge. Because yes, my friends are too cheap to actually get a hotel so they installed bunk beds along the sides in the back. The outside had been painted by Clyde, Kenny, and Butters. So there were manly and tough things that Clyde liked, the slightly illegal and dangerous things Kenny liked, and the rainbows and unicorns Butters liked.

The bus alone almost made me turn back into my house and never speak to any of them again.

Except that Stan was the one who bounded off the bus first to pick up my duffel bag with a Cheshire cat grin. He stood beside me and stared at the monstrosity that we were going to be seen in. "Its a bit too cheery for my taste." I realize that this is the first time we've been in close proximity since the presentation almost a year earlier. And I can feel the heat radiating off him.

My stormy eyes scanned the bus for something that would contradict him. They landed on a twisted solid black tree with a noose hanging from it. I pointed it out to him and he gives me a small smile, as though he knew it was there but wanted me to cheer him up anyways. Funny how depressing things make this guy happy, but I think that's one of the things I like about him. Its easy to cheer Stan up, unlike Tweek who needs constant attention. I don't have to babysit Stan, he can do shit on his own.

At least that's the impression he gave off.

At that time I wasn't aware of his secret. Even if I had been I don't know what I would have done differently.

So we got onto the bus and stopped to pick up Kenny and Gregory last at the restaurant they worked at. Kenny looked pleasantly buzzed and winked at Ike when he stumbled onto the bus. Okay, that's kind of gross. Ike is still in high school. I think he's a freshman or maybe a sophomore. I don't know or really care. All I know is that he's too young for me. However, he has jet black hair and that kind of makes him okay.

Tacked to the nearest bunk bed was a list. I noticed that there were pairings, and that I was alone. Clyde explained that its who we would be sharing beds with and that I got my own because I was too much of a hard-ass to sleep with anyone else. My eyes scanned the list until I found Stan...and Kenny. Goddamn it I did not want to listen to Kenny molest Stan in the middle of the night. There would be serious issues if that happened.

Gregory and Token had it worked out so that one of them would constantly be driving. We were only going to be in Cali for a week or something. Knowing the people I was with, we would lose track of time and end up staying three weeks. That's okay, I told mom not to expect me home until school started.

Between Colorado and Utah I sat alternating between staring out the window and at Stan. He was sitting on his bunk writing furiously in a little black notebook. I've seen that notebook on occasion but its contents are a mystery. As far as I know Stan doesn't let anyone near it. Curiosity demands that I get up, snatch it from his hands, and read the damn thing. Common sense tells me that stealing his diary won't get me any brownie points. So I sit and watch him from behind my black veil of hair. Sometimes he gets this look like he's trying not to cry but mostly he just looks relaxed. I really want to know what he's writing.

We stop for the night in Utah so that we can take a bathroom break and get some food. The restaurant we stop at is a small mom and pop one but they serve good food. Somehow I end up beside Thomas and he talks my ear off all night about shit I don't care about. To keep myself from snapping at him I watch Marsh pick at his burger. The noirette seems distracted while Kenny talks his ear off until finally the blonde takes a hint falls silent. If only Thomas would take my silence as a "shut the fuck up".

Its hard not to be happy, though, as we load back onto the bus and Kenny pulls out the weed. We roll our own joints and pass around the glass bong Token brought.

I'm feeling pleasantly high and chilling back on the plush seat of the bus staring up at glow in the dark star stickers someone stuck on the ceiling and spacing out big time. I imagine I'm an astronaut in space and man is it sweet.

Then Stan comes over, high as a fucking kite, and plops himself down in front of me. "Shotgun with me." He demands. His face is colored with a light blush and his dark blue eyes are glowing in the glow from the stickers and street lamps when we pass them.

I remember too late that I, Craig Tucker, do not shotgun with anyone. Its not that I don't know how, its that I just don't do it. Why would I want to be that close to anyone? Even Tweek and I never shotgunned.

But I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to have my mouth close to his so I sit up and accept the lit end of the joint. We're so close that there's maybe a millimeter of space between our lips. Stan is smiling like a fool and his smile slowly fades when we inhale together. Smoke fills my lungs and travels up to my brain and the weed works its magic.

It doesn't last too long because I pull away when I realize that we're going to end up swallowing this joint if we're too close for too long (and how totally unromantic is that?). But God even though it only happened once before I missed being that close to him. And I can see in his eyes that he missed it too. Then he takes a deep breath and gives me an apologetic smile as he reaches for his inhaler.

Damn it I forgot about his asthma. He notices my expression or maybe I said it out loud because he just shrugs like its not big deal that all this smoke and stuff can kill him.

However, the more weed I had the more I mellowed out. And with Stan beside me I was feeling like the luckiest astronaut ever. I knew he was having the same trip I was (astronauts fucking rock) because for a sweet moment we were sharing the same mind.

Someone put on Bob Marley and I felt like the Drug Scouts of America with their Electric Kool-aid Acid Test. I almost wish we had something stronger (and I know if I ask Kenny he'll produce it), but someone had passed the bong to Gregory and I'm just low enough to know that I don't want to die. As it was, Gregory was doing a great job not killing us and I didn't want to press my luck.

Although, right now is a pretty sweet moment to die in. At least I would die happy, which is something I never thought I would say.

I don't remember falling asleep that night but what I do remember is waking up on the floor. Alone. I had no idea how I got there. I don't think I was asleep long because it was still dark outside. Everyone (except Gregory) was not were I left them. Token and Thomas (I don't know how they got paired up to share a bed either) are sleeping in their bed; Clyde and Kevin are making out close to the door on their own plush bench; Butters is asleep where I was sitting earlier; Kenny and Stan were in bed together too.

It takes all of two seconds to realize that what woke me is a sound I haven't heard in a year. My eyes snap to the dark bunk where Stan and Kenny are laying. I stand up, sway (because holy fuck the bus is moving and I'm still high), and make my way to them. It takes me a while, and if it wasn't for the glow-inthe-dark stars all over the fucking place (how could I have missed them the first few nights?) I would have lost my way.

Maybe losing my way would have been better than what I saw when I arrived at their bunk. Stan was lying flat on his back, his shirt off and eagle spread. It didn't look like Stan was awake. Kenny was lying on his side beside the noir, his hand trailing up and down Stan's hard abs and circling the pink dots on his chest. He, unlike Stan, was very much awake. Whenever Kenny's hands brushed over a sensitive spot Stan moaned softly in his sleep.

I was a little more than upset. What I mean by that is I was turned on. I loved seeing Stan with his shirt off and since he's a jock I've had plenty of opportunity. What I didn't love seeing is Kenny fucking McCormick touching him. "Dude, he's sleeping." I inform Kenny needlessly.

The blonde probably wouldn't be molesting the noir if Stan was awake. Or maybe he would. Kenny smiled up at me and patted the bed on the other side of Stan. There wasn't a lot of bed there but the meaning was clear: join me. And boy did I want to join. "If you're gonna molest him, wake him up first." I protested. Another smirk and I couldn't take looking at the scene so I climbed onto my bunk (which happened to be above theirs) and laid down to stare at the glowing stars.

Space is a whole lot colder without someone to share it with.

The next morning I woke up hungry. Almost everyone was starving. We made Gregory stop on the Utah-Nevada border so we could eat McDonalds. Not exactly the breakfast of champions but it was delicious. After that we hung out for a while at a park because no one wanted to get on the bus right away.

I found myself staring once again at Stan. He was talking to Kenny and looked irritated, so I'm guessing he's aware of what his friend was doing while he was sleeping and thankfully doesn't approve.

The park thing lasted until Christophe suddenly appeared out of no where and made us all board the bus. We got out of there at a speed faster than I thought the bus could go. Thankfully the engine could manage it, but it made me wonder what exactly was under the hood. Either way, whoever was after the brunette didn't catch us.

Everyone was excited to have him on the bus and Gregory insisted that they sleep together. That meant partners needed to be switched. Kenny offered to take Butters in his own bed and pretty much told Stan to get lost. Because I was the only one without a partner, Stan and I would have to share.

I pretended to make a big deal out of it but on the inside I was happy as could be. Except that from Nevada to Southern California we didn't sleep together (we didn't have sex either) because one of us was always passed out on the fucking plush benches, either from the weed or the alcohol.

To remedy the situation somewhat I made myself stop smoking and drinking excessively so that I could get him in bed with me. Maybe it wasn't the best plan, but it was the only one I had. Other than demanding he sleep with me and since he's a "leader" like me I figured that wouldn't work too well.

In California we hung out on the beach. It was awesome. We swam in the ocean, played beach volley ball, and ate a variety of frozen treats. I got sand in places I never want sand ever again. During that time I noticed that Stan wore arm warmers. In Colorado I never noticed but here I did and it made me wonder why he was covering up his arms. But he still did the same things everyone else did so I put it from my mind.

Chilling on the beach lasted a few days. After that we decided to go see the redwoods in Northern California.

Even though I was sober Stan still wouldn't get into bed. I didn't realize it because I was sleeping at regular times, but Stan wasn't sleeping. Since Christophe came on board he didn't sleep. There were a lot of things I didn't realize about him. It just took me a while to figure them all out.

So where was I?

Oh yeah. It was the night before we were going to see the redwoods. Token and Gregory both wanted to see them so everyone was in bed, mostly. Stan still wasn't in bed with me and I had just smoked so I wasn't going to sleep any time soon. I swung my feet over the edge and jumped down lightly. Not that it would have mattered since Clyde was snoring loud enough to wake a bear from hibernation, but I'm too used to being quiet to start changing that now. The only other place he could be on the bus, I found him.

He was writing in his book again and didn't notice that I was standing over him. His arm warmers were pulled up as far as they could go, which is just above the elbow. It occurred to me then that I haven't seen Stan's arms in quite a while, even before we made out in front of the class. Maybe that's why it took so long to notice them. "What are you writing?" My voice scared him, I could tell because he jumped and slammed the book shut. His glare was lost on me because I was too high to care. I want a cigarette and tell him so, inviting him to come along with me outside the bus. Stan agrees, probably just so I'll forget about the black book.

We go outside and I offer him a cigarette. He gives a chuckle and accepts it. We stand outside in the warm night air smoking our cigarettes in silence. Silence, that is, until I start talking. This is one of the problems with me and weed and Stan all together. I never shut up.

I tell him about the stars and how awesome it would be to be an astronaut. I tell him that one day I'll be up there among the stars making history. I ask him who put the glow-inthe-dark star stickers up and he tells me it was Butters. I tell him how much I like them.

Then I tell him how much I liked shotgunning with him. And kissing him that one day almost a year ago. I tell him that I want him to sleep with me because god-fucking-damn it I'm lonely and he's the only one who makes me not lonely.

Stan isn't high. He knows what its like to be high, though, and he suggests that maybe I've had too much weed.

It feels like I'm being crushed by a whole planet and I almost wish I was except that it would crush Stan too. Being a chatterbox I tell him this too. "Kiss me." I demand when he doesn't respond.

Stan smokes the rest of his cigarette. Sometime during the conversation I had dropped mine so he stomps it out with the toe of a converse. His silence is killing me. Why don't I just kiss him? A voice asks. So I turn to face him, take his chin in my hand, and press my lips to his.

A thousand and one feelings go through me, all of them good, as he presses back. My hands tangle in his ebony hair and his wrap around my waist and slide down to my ass. I push him against the side of the bus, pinning him there with my hips. We make out and its the best thing ever. I'm high as fuck and my entire body is nerves. It doesn't take long to get hard as a rock. And I can tell he's hard too beneath his tight black skinny jeans.

And then Christophe comes out. The brunette stops, stares at us, then shrugs and walks on. But it doesn't matter because the moment is ruined. I don't even try to suppress the groan of disappointment when Stan gently pushes me away. Even so obviously denied twice, I'm not about to give up. "At least come sleep with me. I swear I won't do anything." A smirk graced my lips. "Unless you want me to."

I think its the bed that draws him in because when we get back on the bus I'm suddenly aware of the bags under his eyes. When I ask him when he last slept he just shrugs and says he doesn't remember. So I help him into bed (because at this point he's too tired to do much other than not be a dead weight) and climb up. He gave no protest when I spooned him against me and I was glad for that.

True to my word I didn't do anything even though I was aching to. I didn't understand why he was making me wait, but I figured then that it was just because he was tired and wanted to be awake. Since I didn't want to be a pervert like Kenny I let myself fall asleep instead of rape him (or something frowned upon like that).

The next day we arrived at the redwood forest. Holy shit those are amazing trees! I don't think I've ever felt so small, and this coming from one of (if not the) the tallest guys in South Park. Come to think of it, I've never been impressed by a tree either. Thanks to Token we got to climb the redwoods and even drove the bus through one of them. It was by far the coolest nature thing I have ever experienced.

And it was the most I've walked in a while. It wasn't just walking, either, it was hiking. Not up a mountain but through the forest. We found a cool locals hang out and got high with a bunch of the guys there.

Sometime during then Kenny slipped away with a pretty redhead girl. Christophe and Gregory disappeared for a few hours too and when they came back they looked just how they did when they left, but the twinkle in their eyes gave me a clue as to what they were doing. Token, Clyde, and I hung out together and it was almost like the old days.

Hiking through the forest was exciting because we kept getting distracted by a particularly interesting butterfly or a mushroom patch or a tree branch shaped like a really big dick. So it took nearly twice as long to get back to the bus as it did to get to the local hang spot. On the way we lost Butters (he got distracted by some flowers and then chased a squirrel for a while) and had to go back and look for him.

When we finally got to the bus we were all so hungry that we nagged Token the whole drive into town. Needless to say at the restaurant we stopped at we acted like a bunch of high dumbasses, which we were. After getting kicked out of the place we went to a gas station and stocked up on munchies. Gregory charmed the pants off (not literally) the guy at the counter so we got more beer. When we loaded onto the bus Token drove again but I missed when they said where our destination was so I was just along for the ride (as if I've been anything else this whole time).

Somehow Kenny got Butters drunk. It took eight beers before the little dude even got buzzed and another four before he was totally wasted. They had not-so-quiet sex on the bunk below mine and Stan's. No one was really phased though because Kevin and Clyde were making out in their corner spot. Christophe and Gregory were involved in something I couldn't see on their bunk. Thomas had his head out the window and was singing at the top of his lungs some song that got lost in the wind; he was totally oblivious to everything.

Stan and I weren't doing anything. I wanted to fuck him through the damn floor (maybe not the best idea since we're on a bus) but there was something holding me back. Don't ask what because I don't fucking know. Maybe it was the way he gave me that small sad smile that just tore my heart to pieces. Or maybe it was because I had my fix (for the moment) and could contain myself. Not that I was going to wait another year before we made out.

As though reading my mind he turned and kissed me. I melted. Seriously, I was a warm pool of Craig at our feet sloshing around the floor of the bus. That's disgusting, I don't know why I thought of it (because I'm high). So we made out again. He pushed me onto my back and laid flat on top of me, his mouth on mine the whole time. His tongue invades my mouth and I taste coke on it and Stan's personal flavor. My fingers tangle in his hair and I swing a leg over his to keep him close. His tongue ring brushes against my tongue and I feel a trill of excitement (I've always had a thing for piercings).

You would think, what with all this intense making out, that everyone would know to leave us alone. But no. Of all people, Thomas decides to come over and talk to us. At first we ignore him. But he's getting louder and louder until finally I slip out from beneath Stan, stand up, and punch him in the face. He's still reeling when I start my speech about how I've waited an entire year to make out with Stan fucking Marsh and I'll be damned if some little fucked up runt is going to stop me now.

Thankfully Stan's love for animals doesn't extend to humans so I didn't get bitched at from him for yelling at Thomas. Thomas gave me a teary-eyed look then ran for the bunk he shared with Token. Apparently my outburst was so funny that Clyde and Kevin had to stop making out because Clyde was laughing so hard. And thus, the moment was ruined once more.

To say that I felt miserable is an understatement. I mumbled an excuse about going to bed and hauled my high ass onto the top bunk. Vibrations from Butters and Kenny reached me but I ignored them in favor of looking at the fake stars. A few minutes later Stan joins me on the bed. He lays down beside me and kisses me. "Why were you waiting?"

The question should be easy but its not and I find myself struggling to answer. Finally I look at him. His face is contrasty from the pale green glow of the stickers and the shadows from the night. "I was..." Scared. "I didn't want to be rejected." Because how could I live if I was rejected by this perfect specimen, this person I wanted to be mine for all of eternity? If Stan didn't want me I would have no reason to keep living, so I fooled myself into 'giving it time'. Because there was a chance that he would give into the impulses I was sure he was feeling.

I asked him the same question and he told me he didn't want to get his ass kicked. And that he thought I was with Tweek. I was with Tweek. But it wasn't anything permanent, there wasn't any real love on my part. We had sex because we needed it and were available to each other, not out of love. Tweek kind of loved me, I think. At least he trusted me, which as close to love as the kid can get. All this I tell Stan.

Stan tells me he wants to have sex for love. He says it in a whisper like everyone will laugh at him if they hear. Maybe they will, but they know what its like to be in love. Kenny and Butters are in love, even though Kenny sleeps around. Christophe and Gregory are in love, even though they rarely see each other because Christophe is a mercenary. Clyde and Kevin are in love, even though its not manly to be gay. Thomas thinks he loves me even though I have no interest in him anymore.

And I'm in love with the noir lying beside me.

The thought strikes me like lightning. Everything I've been feeling this past year is suddenly crystal clear where before it was muggy. I want to tell Stan but I think he will take it as me just trying to get into his pants. So I decide to wait. Instead I smile and kiss him.

We make out again. This time its sweet and unhurried. When we fall asleep I'm holding him in my arms and he's listening to my heart beating.

The next afternoon Gregory is driving when I wake up. I don't remember stopping the bus and wonder if they Houdinied themselves to switch spots. Gregory informs us that we are now in Idaho. For the next thirty minutes or so we entertain ourselves with the 'I da ho' joke. When it starts to get old, Kenny tells us about Bumfuck Egypt and we go on for another half an hour cracking jokes.

This time our destination is some oriental zoo that Token wanted to visit before school started. Its a nice little zoo (even though admission was high) and I see a snow leopard for the first time. Gregory, being the wealth of useless information he is, tells us that the pandas we see here are on rent from China because apparently China is selfish and wants to own all the pandas. There are also little red pandas (which China doesn't own), other big cats, flamingos, penguins, and some big rabbit-like thing that no one can figure out what is called. Even Gregory and Christophe just shrug.

We see wolves and Christophe takes off running in the other direction with Gregory chasing after him. None of us really got it.

The gift shop was over-priced but we all bought animal hats. Butters got a bunny, Token a wolf (much to Christophe's dislike), Stan a tiger, Kenny a koala, Gregory a lion, Christophe a bear, Thomas a giraffe, Clyde an eagle, Kevin an alligator, and me a panther. We wore our hats proudly for the rest of the day and that night at the rest stop we were parked in we made a lot of noise (related to the animal our hats belonged to of course). Token's wolf howl was so good that Christophe threatened to knock him out with his shovel if he didn't shut up. Christophe's bear impression made most of us uncomfortable (the dude really sounds like a bear) so we made him shut up before he attracted a bear to our bus.

Clyde's impression of an eagle sounded like something was dying. Most of us didn't know that alligators actually made noise so when Kevin did his impression we gave him shit for making it up. Until the brains of our group said that he was actually dead on (Gregory said it sounds more hissing-like but other than that its good). I growled deep in my throat but that sounded too k9 (at which Christophe freaked out again). Then I purred but Gregory said only lions purr. Finally I came up with a deep rumbling noise that's impossible to describe unless you hear it and everyone congratulated me on finally being able to speak my own language. Stan's rumbling noise was deeper than mine and had a bit of purr to it but apparently his was dead on too.

And a turn on. Oh boy. I never thought tiger noises would turn me on but there it was.

Gregory made his impression of a lion's roar, which wasn't too terrifying. We all laughed at him. Then he purred and made some slinky move over to Christophe, who said that he isn't into cross-breeding. To which Gregory replied that wasn't the impression he got last night.

Gregory's purr was good and I got the feeling that he's had a lot of practice purring but it was nothing like Stan's.

Butters, Kenny, and Thomas couldn't really make noise. But Butters did a cute impression of a bunny with his twitching nose and rubbing his face with his hands. A muted purring came from him but none of us really knew if rabbits purred so we couldn't say if he was right or wrong there. Kenny smacked his lips together and explained that koala's ate all the time so it made sense.

Thomas made a clicking noise that we deemed wrong. So everyone tried their own impressions of a giraffe and in the end we decided that Clyde's was the closest. Clyde decided that Thomas should try to be an eagle, which he did. That brought someone knocking at our door saying they heard strange sounds and wanted to know if everything was okay. When they left we were all laughing our assess off.

None of us were high or drunk. And I guess the reason I mention this is because I'm glad we can all be together without the aid of some illegal substance. Okay, that sounded really faggy. Cross that out.

That night we all went to bed in high spirits. This time Stan was the one who held me. I've never been held before. I had to admit that I liked it.

The next morning the temperature in the bus was low. It was raining outside and misty. Our drivers were hesitant to drive the bus in this weather since we were in the middle of a damn forest. On a mountain. So we had to sit tight in the bus.

Kevin produced a few decks of cards so we had several card games going on until mid afternoon. We dug into what was left of the snacks from earlier. Between Christophe, Stan, Kenny, and I we smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. Butters lifted up one of the plush seats to reveal a hidden compartment and started to paint on the inside of the bus. Thomas joined him. Clyde ran out into the rain with Kevin (apparently they were on a bathroom mission) and when they came back they were soaking wet and shivering. It took all of our towels to dry the two off and then they buried themselves naked in their sleeping bags and the sheets on their bunk. Token was trying to make the heaters work but was having very little success.

At one point I went out to help him. I got drenched. In the coldest rain I have ever felt. It was like needles piercing my skin nonstop and I admired Token for being able to put with it. But after it became apparent that I couldn't fix the heaters I went back inside. The towels were damp from Clyde and Kevin so I stripped down to my bare skin and used the sheet on our bed to dry off. I'll admit, I was not in my most impressive state right there. And it was certainly not how I wanted Stan to see me, but he was a dude so he understood that cold doesn't do anything for guys.

In spite of my less-than-impressive-at-the-moment lower regions Stan stripped down to his boxers (and those fucking arm warmers) and climbed in bed with me, sharing my sleeping bag and spreading out his over both of us. I warmed up with the help of his soothing hand and stolen body heat. My shivering stopped and in the heat made mostly by his skin I fell asleep.

It was a short nap but I woke up warm and content. My nose was pressed against Stan's collarbone and my body flush against his. It was nice. He was awake, of course, and kissed me when he saw I was too. The instant reaction my body had to him made him smile. We kissed a few times. Then I dared to not kiss his lips and moved along his jaw, down his neck, and across his collarbone. The soft sighs were enough to keep me going. I shifted so that I could get at those sensitive nubs on his chest and kissed one. My tongue lapped at the hard peak and my teeth bit down gently. I took a nipple between my teeth and sucked on it and licked it with the tip of my tongue.

I could never bite Tweek. He freaked out too bad, thinking I would take out a chunk of skin. And his freak outs are kind of a turn off.

But Stan welcomed it. The noirette arched against me (which briefly threw me off) and I could feel his need against my stomach. I moved onto the other one and got the same quiet but strong reaction.

Not to sound like an ass, but I loved the silence. It was so unique (Tweek may have been the only one I slept with but I knew the sounds my fellow classmates made) and so totally Stan Marsh.

His fingers played with my hair, traced the shell of my ear, and dropped down to my neck. My turn on spot is my neck and he found that out very quickly (and I don't think it was the pre-cum getting his leg wet that clued him in).

Thankfully no one bothered to snigger about the noise I am not very proud of making. Stan was grinning from ear to ear. "So is that your spot?" he whispered. As if I needed to answer him. But I mumbled a yes anyways. He adjusted and for a minute I was confused...until I felt his mouth and tongue on my neck. The sound I made this time was more embarrassing than the previous one.

Even though I knew we both wanted to fuck like rabbits we simply carried on like that. I'm not saying it wasn't nice (because it was amazing) but I'm greedy and wanted more. I didn't push my luck though.

Butters is the one who drew us from our isolation under the sleeping bags, asking what kind of pizza we wanted. Apparently we were ordering pizza. We told him and he skipped (yes, Butters _iskipped/i_on a bus) to the front of the bus. I know because I watched him leave. He told Clyde what we told him and then was shooed away.

I noticed as Butters sat back down to continue painting that the paints he used were kind of pale. Christophe and Kenny were trying to teach Thomas how to smoke a cigarette (Seriously? The dude can smoke a joint and not a cigarette?). Gregory was polishing his rapier and singing a song in French (the song was making Christophe mighty twitchy). Token and Kevin were laughing about something. Clyde was on Token's phone ordering the pizza.

And it was still raining outside.

About an hour and a half later the pizza came. I pulled on a dry pair of boxers and climbed down sporting a very obvious boner. Stan and I were the butts of many gay and boner jokes but we dished them out right back. There wasn't a guy on the fucking bus who wasn't gay. Even Token (who is dating Red) is half gay (that means he's bi for those of you who don't know).

We eat pizza and drink soda and laugh. Stan kisses me more than once.

After we eat we bring out the weed again. It was already cloudy to begin with but as the sun goes down we're all in for a surprise. No, nothing on the outside of the bus. Rather, the pale paints that Butters and Thomas used were glowing brightly. For a long time we just stare at all the light shapes around us then we congratulate them on a job well done. I make sure not to say anything to Thomas since he seems to have a thing for me that I don't share. Butters turns bright pink under all the praise and his blush darkened when Kenny kissed him.

While everyone is getting high and chilling in the lounge, Butters takes his paint and starts working in the bed area. The little blonde doesn't like to get high or drunk – the morning after usually sucks so I don't blame him – so he usually does creative things while we are all incapable of it.

Or maybe we aren't incapable of it. I get up and saunter over to Butters. "Lemme borrow that." I take a brush, dip it in blue, and swirl it around on my wrist. It glows perfectly and I smile. "Stan, c'mere." He obeyed and I ran the blue paint down his cheek. I got protest until I shoved a red dipped brush in his hand and let him paint my chest. And then we really get into it. Color appears on our bodies with rapid strokes until we're masses of glowing color.

Everything is painted, I even let him paint my dick. That was an interesting experience.

Except he won't take the arm warmers off.

By now everyone else has joined in so that we're a bunch of high naked guys rubbing glow-inthe-dark paint all over each others bodies. Some catchy techno song is on the speakers and Butters is dancing like a dirty whore. Kenny stands up and they dance skin-to-skin.

While they are off in their own little world Clyde notices Stan isn't totally painted. I wasn't going to press the issue but Kevin and Clyde have a different idea. They hold him down and pull off the arm warmers. Its hard to hear Stan screaming over the music and the rush of blood in my ears. My smile faded away when I got a good look at Stan's arms.

There have to be over a hundred scars on his arms.

Clyde and Kevin release the noir instantly. As soon as he was freed Stan grabbed his boxers and ran into the rain. I grabbed mine and followed him as quick as I could. Even though my legs are longer, Stan has more stamina and is used to running around. He easily out-distanced me. "Stan!" I screamed his name until I lost my voice.

God this sucks. I just wanted to find him alive and well. But I couldn't get the image of his scars out of my mind. They formed a new texture on his skin, there were so many. It was too much like what happened to Tweek that I get a twist of fear in my heart. There is no doubt in my mind that those are self-inflicted.

I finally found him (it wasn't too hard since the paint was washing off him and left a glow-inthe-dark trail) sitting beneath a tree with his legs curled up to his chest. He didn't hear my approach but he knew I was there because he looked up. And he was crying. And I wanted to kill Clyde and Kevin for making Stan cry.

I didn't want to scare him off so I just sat down beside him and held him in the rain. It might sound romantic, but we were both freezing and there is nothing romantic about the person you love crying their eyes out because you found out they've been cutting themselves. I just held him for a while, not saying anything or doing anything.

But eventually I had to know what they felt like. I started with the smooth skin of his shoulders and worked my way down his arm towards his cuts. Automatically Stan flinched away but one look from me was enough to make him stay. Trembling from more than just the cold. I felt him tense up when my fingertips brushed the first of the scars.

The change was drastic. His skin went from smooth to bumpy. It almost reminded me of sandpaper but that isn't quite how it felt (its not like it hurt to touch him). It was different, but it wasn't repulsive or anything.

I slid my hand all the way down until I could take his hand in mine. He asked me what I was thinking. I told him the truth, without editing out anything.

I was depressed that he hurt himself. I wanted to know why. I wanted to help. I wasn't repulsed by the scars. When we got back to the bus I was going to murder Clyde and Kevin for doing this to him. And I told him I love him.

It was probably not the best time to say that but I didn't want to hide anything and if I didn't tell him it would be hiding it.

Stan seemed surprised by my answer. He told me everything on his mind. It all got to be too much. It started as an accident. He didn't mean to keep going but once he started he couldn't stop. He didn't tell anyone because he didn't want to lose anyone. He didn't want to worry them or force them away because his emotions were too strong for them to handle. He told me not to kill Clyde and Kevin because we would have found out anyways somehow.

He didn't tell me he loved me back.

The topic wasn't even addressed.

I ignored it for now to tell him that his emotions aren't too much for me (I did look after Tweek for most of our lives). I told him that if he needed me I would be there. And I promised not to kill them.

"Thank you."

And I loved him so much in that moment.

But it was cold and miserable and dark. We were in boxers and the remains of paint that is probably toxic (if I can't have children because of this paint I'm going to be pissed off). It wasn't exactly the warmest situation.

Christophe found us huddled beneath an aspen half frozen. He didn't say anything about Stan's scars. He just grabbed him by the forearm as if they weren't there and helped Stan up. I noticed that Christophe had a lot of scars too, but unlike Stan's his are a spiderweb of chaos.

We walk back to the bus on frozen feet and were greeted by warm bodies pressing against us. Someone shoved a cigarette in my mouth and I would have complained except that the tiny bit of heat it gave off was nice. We were stripped by glowing spirits (you have to remember that we're still high here) and pressed into a warm nest of sleeping bags and bare bodies. I could see everyone, they all looked worried. Worried about what I couldn't' tell you.

Token said that the rain is supposed to let up tonight and if the roads were good Gregory was going to drive us out of there. I prayed that the roads were good like I've never prayed for anything. And I realize that I haven't said a prayer since I was a little kid. So I say a ton of them (short ones, mind you), that are more wishes than prayers. But I figure that someone is listening and maybe they will help us.

I fell asleep holding Stan. He cried himself to sleep but I was the only one who knew because I was the only one who felt his tears.

The next day I wake up still in the nest on the floor but the bus is moving. Slowly. Gregory is at the wheel, expertly navigating us down the mountain. My head hurts and I think I should be hungry but food sounds horrible right now. So I cling tighter to Stan and go back to sleep.

I drift in and out of sleep. Waking up is horrible because I have a killer headache. I've eaten some crackers (it was like eating dried mud) and drank some water but that's all they can get into me. My body is weak and I can't even get my fingers to twitch no matter how hard I concentrate on the action. Stan is still beside me but he's not doing much better than me. I have a suspicion that we are sick.

The bus ride was going to kill me. Every time we stopped somewhere the guys got me up and presentable and off the bus. At least I got out of the cloud of weed and cigarette smoke, paint fumes, and male. The fresh air did me good.

Finally we came to a forest I recognized. It was South Park. We were home. I was still sick, but we were home and that made it better. They dropped me off at my house and I didn't even get to say goodbye to Stan because he was sleeping. Kenny helped me in and to bed before disappearing out my window.

It was a few days before my phone rang.

"Can I come in?"

That's what the txt from Stan said. I told him yes. Not a second later did my bedroom door open and in walked a pale shaky Stan. The arm warmers were back on his arms. He was carrying something that looked hot and smelled delicious. In his mouth were some DVDs.

He sat on my bed and smiled at me as he put in a movie for us to watch. It was called Pineapple Express. Yes, I know the irony of that.

We had hot soup and spent a few days in bed.

And I decided to write this journal while he is in my shower. I just needed to get it all out. Because I don't want to forget a single detail of the most awesome summer ever.

By the way, he told me he loves me too.

And if all goes well (I know it will) I think I'm going to propose to him in a few years. What I do know for sure is that it will be on the same day we did the presentation. And we'll get married in the summer.


End file.
